apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
