Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
