do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
