I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
