so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
