we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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