I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We are two peas in an std pod
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
