I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I party with great urgency now.
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