Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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