I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
