If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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