I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
