Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
