Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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