We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
