Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
