i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
