Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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