I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
