How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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