i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
