My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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