You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
