My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
