i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
