grandma shit on top of the toilet
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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