Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
