if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
