Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
