we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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