His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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