Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
