normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
