i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
