i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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