i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
