This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
