how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
