my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
