She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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