What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
