so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
