I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
