I heard we made out
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
