some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
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