How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
