Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
