too bad you live with your parents still
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
