She's JV to your varsity
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
