wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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