on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
