i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
