Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
